Saturday, September 25, 2010

A lot of homes for Alot

So I live on this small island, right?  Where everyone knows everyone.  So it was only a matter of time before we finally discovered where Alot's real home was.  'Cause, you know, going down and knocking on the door of the house we suspected had us both a little shy.

The following conversation did not take place, but totally could have.  Almost all of these statements have been made regarding the cat situation at one time or another.
DB: Why don't you go, you know more about cats.
AG: Dude, I can't call and order pizza, why would I be able to go knock on someone's door to ask about the cat?
DB: You talk to random people in the supermarket!
AG: You are a journalist, talking to people you don't know is what you do!
DB: I'm waiting for the right opportunity.
AG: Maybe I'll write a nice letter.

Anyway, because I know a woman who knows our two-doors-down neighbor, she acted as the go-between.  It's fine that Alot hangs out with us, but we need to stop feeding him.

1) He's getting full meals at one house already, we're going to over-feed that cat and kill him, since he's not the kind of cat that stops when he gets full.
2) She doesn't really want to lose her pet permanently to us, so if he has to come home from time to time, she at least gets to see him.

Not feeding Alot means we have a noisy cat doing his best to impress upon us the gravity of the situation.  He's STARVING!  Look - WASTING AWAY!  Which would be believable except that during the week he was eating at both houses he got quite the gut.

He's also developed this interesting technique of dragging himself around by his front paws, while the rest of him is stretched out flat on the floor.  He also rolls onto his back and pulls himself along the bottom of the radiators and the couches with his front legs.

I'm pretty sure this is his "I'm so weak, I can't walk - help me, I'm dying!"

I'm not falling for it and I'm not stopping him.  It's the best way of dusting under the couches and radiators that I've ever seen.  And the entertainment value is incalculable.

When he's not begging for food, he's happy to be pet and be played with.  The Ikea paper bag we have lying on the floor is The Best Toy Ever!  He's also really taken to cuddling, so he often lays on me when I'm sitting on the couch and will lay there for hours if I rub his belly.

Nope, it's pretty easy to not be a cat owner.  No food bills, vet bills, litter boxes (which I can't empty anyway, hehehe), etc.  He's just my cuddle buddy.  And free entertainment.


  1. We have three barn cats that the owners of the farm use to keep down the rodent population. Thing is, there's a bunch of women at the stable who are all convinced the cats are starving to death. One cat in particular has a habit of throwing himself down in front of one's feet and howling out that he is D-Y-I-N-G. So they live the high life with an evening, regular feeding from me, and get contraband cans of Fancy Feast-esque on the sly from boarders. This means the rodent population goes up exponentially; not good when we're storing mass amounts of horse feed. Those dang cats have all of us wrapped around their little paws.

    Oh, and congratulations on the baby. :)

  2. All the advantages of pet ownership with none of the pesky responsibilities. I'm so glad you have a kitty in your life again, because, honestly? The Archaeogoddess without a cat is simply unacceptable...

  3. That was funny. I agree with Laura, you have the good end of the deal.

  4. Love the image of the starving kitty!

  5. Anonymous8:50 PM

    Take the cat to the vet. Cats will sometimes drag themselves this way if their tail ("aneal") glands are impacted or infected. Cats are generally stoic, but that he cries and drags may be a sign of illness.

  6. @ Anonymous - Thanks for your concern. He is, however, not dragging his butt in the way that animals, especially cats, will do if they have clogged anal glands. I know the difference. It may shock you to know, I have worked with a variety of animals in my life and not just in the pet-trade. I've assisted in veterinary surgeries and can preform most basic first aid needs to small animals. Yes, I know how to give mouth to mouth to a rat.

    Can the next person who assumed that I'm an idiot please just email me and ask me if I've considered X, Y, or Z instead of leaving slightly trollish comments on my blog? Or is that why ya'll do it anonymously - 'cause you're just trolls?


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