Saturday, May 21, 2011

You don't have to be an asshole just because the other guy is a butthead

So I don't get to write all that much these days.  Half the time I'm typing one-handed anyway.  But I do get to read... often while standing and swaying, holding a Very Angry Baby.

And what I'm getting out of what I've been reading is pretty much "A does B to C" and if you think B might be a bad idea, you can read about how it's all okay because C is our enemy, or at least not A, who is either us or a friend, or a guy/country/religion in a cute bunny suit.  In fact, comments sections are full of people saying it's all okay to do B to C, because C does B to X,Y, and Z all the freaking time.

Now my mom once asked me if all my friends jumped off a bridge, would I jump too?

You could point out that C is not our friend, so this gem of a saying has no point, except...

If we wouldn't to do something we know to be wrong, even though all of our friends are doing it, why on Earth would we do something we know to be wrong because it's what our enemies do?

Monday, May 16, 2011

It's a really small island

So a week before we moved to our new home in a small village, away from the small town that we lived in, we got a letter.

It was addressed to our new address.  The one we hadn't moved to yet.

But it was delivered to our old address... where we were currently living.  Without any corrections being added to the envelope.

Not only did the letter sender already know where we were moving to, but the postman also knew we hadn't moved yet and so delivered it to where we actually lived.

It's a small island.

Friday, May 06, 2011

More on driving Danishly

In Denmark I have my very own parking place.


"Gods" is Danish for "goods" as in merchandise and other things that are transported in trucks.  And it's pronounced "Gus."  Stupid silent D.

So anyway, on-line practice theory test - shows me a picture of a guy loading something on the top of his car and the question is about how far off the car can something stick before you need to tie a flag to it.

What I hear:
How far can Gus hang off the back of your car without a flag?

Insert moment of confusion.

Then: ding ding ding!  I remember that picture.  GODS! The test man is saying GODS! Thank God!

Only now I'm hysterically laughing.  Spawn, who was nursing, is being bounced all over the place (she's a trooper, she never let go of my boob.  OW.) and I'm missing what the test man is saying.

Doesn't matter, I've got to be særlig opmærksom (especially aware) of Gus hanging off of cars.  LOL!!

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

So I didn't pass...

Oh well.

I missed 9 out of 25 when you are only allowed to miss 5.  But I think I know which ones I got wrong.  A few I didn't understand at all.  No, really, the vocabulary was something I'd never heard before.  I had no idea what the man was saying.  So obviously I wasn't likely to get those.  But I'm slightly frustrated because some of the questions were unduly complicated, unlike the practice tests where the situations depicted were much more straight forward.  I've got to get back the mindset of the Danish equivalent of the US Department of Motor Vehicles where you don't think like a driver, but like an anally-retentive OCD-suffering five year old.

"I would have put on underwear under my pants, but you didn't tell me to put them on TODAY.  Then you didn't tell me not to pee BEFORE I put on my pants.  Therefore, it is not my fault that I peed in the car on the way to school and then mooned the principle.  Really, mother, it is ALL YOUR FAULT."

It's nice to know that driver's tests are universally more complicated then they need to be and do not mean that the people who pass are good drivers, just good at thinking like that nutty 5-year old.

There was an interesting mix of people taking the exam.  Most of us were fairly young.  ("Most of us?" Jesus woman, you are 32, not old, but a good deal older than the five 18 year olds that were there.)  There was an older guy there.  And by "older" I mean in his 50s.  I don't know if he'd lost his license or had just decided you were never to old to learn to drive, but it was nice to not be the oldest person there.  I also didn't do the worst.  That was left to a woman who missed 20.  Twenty!

There were several of us who spoke Danish as a second language, but I think I was the only one who had only recently learned Danish.

I'll find out tonight what I need to do now - how much will it cost to take the test again and when I can take it again and what I should do to study more.  I can pay to take all the tests on the website, but not a single picture or question there appeared in my test, which seemed to date from the 70's.  They were slides for crying out loud!  I really wish I could have seen the one's I missed and gotten the correct answers.  It would have made it far more easy to study.  As it is, I have to guess.

And until I pass, I'm forbidden from driving AT ALL in Denmark.  They took my American license away.

The joke's on them, though.  It expires relatively soon, so I'll be getting another one.  Bwahahahah!

Sunday, May 01, 2011

Positive results either way

I'm taking the theory part of my Danish drivers license tomorrow.

In Danish.

Whether or not I pass, I still win.

Pass: oh hells, yes, I rock!

Fail: well, it's not like I actually speak Danish, so how can they expect me to pass the first time around!  I win for every question I get right!

Meanwhile, we pick up the keys to our house today!  I have a house!!  I've only been able to pack up my books and other office stuff because:
A) I gotta baby, ya'll.  She demands food and fresh diapers and when we're going "hands free" (i.e. in the baby carrier) she really hates it when I bend over (baby suddenly goes upside down and tries to slide out of the carrier... really not a pleasant moment for any of us) or squat (little legs get smooshed).  I gotta pack when she naps.
B) I done run out of boxes.  You can look at this two ways - I need less books or I need more boxes.

Trick question.  Obviously I need more boxes.

I also need more bookshelves.  I found more books behind other books when I emptied the bookshelf.  Some I had put there to save space and some I had knocked down accidently when stuffing more books into, what turns out to be, too little space.

I've recently been promised more books if I get my ass out to the Copenhagen area.

Seriously, you can never have too many books.  Only not enough room for said books.

It's May 1st or "May Day" - which in certain parts of the world is International Workers Day.  There's a tent in the park across the street and a beer stand and red flags.  I can see drunk communists from my backyard!  And they wonder why I won't put my child out in the baby carriage unattended.  Don't they know my child could catch communism???

Also hard to believe: some people will not recognize the sarcasm in the above paragraph.

As Americans are losing the right to collective bargaining - in Wisconsin they've already lost the right - perhaps we should take a moment to reflect on workers rights and raise a beer in their honor.

Or erect a large phallic symbol and get young girls to dance around it.

My new house has a flag pole - all I need are some brightly colored ribbons and a man with a goat.  ('Cause all pagan rituals involve a man with a goat, dontcha know.)

I would have arranged for this to happen, but I'm busy studying for my theory test.