Monday, March 17, 2008

I am remiss.

I am completely remiss in writing. It's just been a bit busy these last few weeks. I'll give you a taste now and hopefully (cross your fingers, but for the love of god don't hold your breath) I'll write an extended post on some of these subjects later.

First to happen was a lightning weekend trip to London. I have gotten my passport stamped and I am visa-ed up for another three months. I finally got to see the Tower of London and the Museum of London, meaning that I am extraordinarily happy and also mad, since now I need to think of something else I need to see in order to have a good excuse to go back ASAP. I love London.

Dissertation update: It will not be done this spring. I'm going to try to have it done in November, when I have to go to Boston for ASOR. Maybe I can combine the trip with defending and filing. I'll walk next spring.

I did just turn in a chapter and while I'm waiting for feedback I took some time off to get some other things done around the house that I've been putting off. Like folding clothes and some cleaning. I am pleased to see that the Danish boy is not just wearing the same three tee shirts again and again and I now have a full complement of socks. We also can now see the living room table, I can see parts of my desk and you can almost walk through the office. This is an improvement, you used to not be able to walk through the office at all. You had to hop, duck and weave.

I wrote up some scholarship applications and sent them off. Not much to say about that but I hope I get them. I am not known for my grant procuring abilities and it'd be nice to get awarded for an application I actually did instead of the kind the schools give out because they know you need it. Although, any money of any kind from anyone would be appreciated.

I have finally finished making what seems to be the final proof of my wedding invitation. I printed it out and glued one up for my dad, who needs a copy to give to his boss in order to get the time off (yes, he might have to provide his own death certificate if he dies so that he can get the day off to go to his own funeral). I was admiring my handiwork when I discovered I'd misspelled my own last name. Curses. Peeling paper that you have just glued is a pain in the butt, peeling paper that you have let the glue dry on is a pain beyond words. Spelling fixed, it may be possible that I will print and assemble invitations this week, before my chapter revisions come in and I am driven back to work.

Meanwhile the newest and happiest news is:

The Danish boy and I have bought a new car! "New" being relative, since it's a 1988 Volvo. I love it. It makes me happy. I am again driving a tank (the worlds safest tank) and swear the car is happy too. It's a family car, which means that when we do have a family to put in it, we'll be ready! Actually, since we'll have to put my family in it in July, it's not an obscene purchase. We'll be selling the other Volvo, which is a total pain in my ass, ASAP. We may actually make money on this trade, because the Volvo we're selling is worth more than the one we bought. But since the one we bought is what we need in a car and the other one is NOT, it makes lovely sense, really.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Don't read this if you don't like stories about vomit!

Last night was a fairly standard one, where no one gets much sleep for various reasons. But for me there was about 10 minutes of heightened horribleness that will be long remembered.

Unable to sleep I had gone and parked myself on the couch. Saturday nights in Denmark are notorious for bad American Movies, last night was no exception. I watched Phantoms - which is a TERRIBLE movie. Save yourself two hours of your life, don't watch it. It's so terrible that even I, who jump at loud noises and still have nightmares about Resident Evil (don't ask), was not in the least bit scared by this movie.

But that is not the point. I'd gotten very tired and slid very far down on the couch. I really should have gotten up at that point and gone to bed, but lets not dwell on my little mistakes and instead focus on the big one.

I was thirsty, there was a full glass of water, I attempted to drink it whilst lying down. Fatal error, I inhaled it. A lot of it.

I don't care who developed the human throat (this is a VERY GOOD proof AGAINST intelligent design) but having the windpipe attach to the esophagus is a BAD idea.

As I was desperately trying to suck air into my lungs and cough up the water (which is what normally happens when you inhale a BIT of water) my diaphragm went into action. Convulsions occur in order to force that water up and out - putting undue pressure on my stomach as well as my lungs. Then as water begins to come up and out, it triggers the gag reflex and the next thing you know, you are not trying to breathe, you are trying to stop vomiting all over yourself. And the blankets. And the couch. In the movies, people who have just been rescued from drowning vomit up all the water they got in their lungs. Apparently they haven't eaten within the last 24 hours.

Unlike the stomach flu where you get some sort of warning (nausea, over abundance of saliva) you get none from almost drowning. My train of thought went something like: "Gak! Can't breathe! Don't panic! Don't WOW WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING STOP THAT!"

At which point I jumped up, opened the door of the living room, ran (with all the blankets, who've had better nights) across the dining room, opened the door to the hallway, took two steps, opened the door to the bathroom, dumped the blankets in the shower and leaned over the toilet - just as I finished the spasmodic vomiting and began to breathe normally again.

As vomiting experiences go, it wasn't that bad. Like the times I've been violently ill after eating pickles, it was pretty much vomit-and-go! No nasty side affects and you can go right back into the kitchen for a glass of water. I recommend it over the stomach flu, where you spend hours draped over the toilet feeling horrible, or alcohol poisoning which would be vomit-and-go, except that you pay for it later.

So I leave you with an important reminder: Remember to sit up before taking a drink! It could save your life, or certainly your upholstery.