Thursday, September 16, 2010

Goals (and not the sports kind)

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars!"  I used to like that quote because, hey, moons, stars! It's what girl geeks decorate their rooms with.  Raise your hand if you have an inflatable space shuttle decorating your room!


Okay, glow in the dark stars!

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!  Y'all my girls! (And geek boys - you be stylin' too!)

Right.  Anyway, the inner geek in me googled this quote so I could use it in this post and then realized, it's a totally stupid quote.  The moon is waaaaay closer than the stars.  If you are aiming for the moon and miss, you better pray you are lucky enough to have fuel for a return trip to earth, otherwise you're going to be drifting in space for a REALLY LONG TIME because stars are REALLY FAR AWAY and as they are VERY HOT SUNS you don't really want to "land among" them.  Really.

But this post is not about astronomy, it's about goals.  And the importance people put on you having lofty goals.

To which I call bullshit.

See, you can have lofty goals, but if you never attain them, well, it's like running a marathon that has no end.  Where's the sense of accomplishment?  Where's the bit where you can pat yourself on the back and say "way to go, you!"  This is why they came up with the "it's not the destination, it's the journey!"

"They" being the folks in middle management that have the inspirational signs hanging in their offices.

There's a special hell for those people.

You're welcome.

Aim lower!  Win every now and again!  Instead of having a list of 20 things you need to do and only accomplishing 10 and then trying to convince yourself that you did your best, make a list of one thing to do and do that one thing (or not, cause why do today what you can do tomorrow?) and then rest on your laurels!  Just don't eat your laurels.  I hear they are poisonous.  Or bits of them are poisonous.  Or maybe they aren't poisonous at all because we do use them in cooking.  So maybe you *should* eat your laurels.  You know what?  Do whatever you want with your laurels.  I won't judge you.

Currently my life goal is to make my husband laugh so hard he cries.  Without resorting to tickling.  'Cause I accomplished that goal already.  (I'm now working on the smaller goal of "touching my husband without tickling him" and it's harder than it sounds, Danish Boy is TICKLISH.)

I had great success a few nights ago when I told him "Denial is a large river in Egypt."  

Sometimes, marrying someone who completely lacks all of your culture references is fantastic.  All those old puns and jokes you have heard since birth?  Oh, yeah, it's like a never ending gold mine of mirth 'round here.

He was not nearly as entertained by my "where I grew up 'debate' is what you stick on your fishing line."  
AG: You know, debate.  De bait.  The bait.  The stuff you put on the hook at the end of a fishing line.  To fish.
DB: Yeah, I got it.  Um, heh heh.
AG: (ooooh shot down!) Moving on...

Like any good comedian, you gotta know your audience.  Only I never claimed to be a good comedian and my audience, as you can see from above, is fickle.  I got a pretty good laugh out of him once for explaining why mosquitos vote for DF (the Danish Peoples Party - think American Tea Party, only with actual power in government).  

So imagine my surprise when I had him sobbing with laughter the other night, by simply reading my very dull Danish class work.  IMPORTANT NOTE: He was NOT laughing at my Danish.  

The set-up is this: boring day in class.  Our assignment for the hour - "Imagine a new student sits down with you in the cafeteria.  What questions would you ask him or her?" Seriously?  A minute ago I was working on possessive pronouns (mine, mine, it's all mine!) and questions in the simple past-tense using inversion (did you take my bike?) and you want me to regress?  To "what is your name?"  Snore-fest!  Bore-apalooza!

Here is my list of questions (English translation in parenthesis):
Hvad hedder du? (What is your name?)
Hvor gammel er du? (How old are you?)
Er du gift? (Are you married?)
Hvor kommer du fra? (Where do you come from?)
Hvor bor du? (Where do you live?)
Hvor længe har du boet i Danmark? (How long have you lived in Denmark?)
Hvad laver du? (What do you do?)
Er du studerende? (Are you a student?)
Hvad læser du? (What do you study? - really "What do you read" but it means study in this context.)
Hvilken sporg kan du taler? (Which languages can you speak?)
Har du familier here? (Have you family here?)
Hvad tænker du om Pia K. og Danskefolkparti? (What do you think about Pia K. [think Sarah Palin, but MEAN and OLD] and the Danish People's Party [mentioned briefly above]?)
Vil du gerne har en kop kaffe med mig? (Will you like to get a cup of coffee with me?)
Hvor købte du den sød jakke? (Where did you buy that sweet [as in "cute"] jacket?)
Hvorfor du løber væk? (Why are you running away?)
Kan du ikke lige mig? (Don't you like me?)

DB started laughing at "Pia K." and promptly died over the "kop kaffe".  Was it the juxtaposition?  Is there a slang meaning here that I don't understand?  (Like asking for a bread roll can be a euphemism for asking someone for sex.)  Or do I have to just accept that I will never understand what is funny to a Dane?

Oh who cares!  I made my husband laugh until he cried!!  I WIN!!  GOAL!!!


  1. Bwhahaha you had me with Pia Kjærsgaard and the coffee as well.

    Humour is a very cultural thing. 9 times out of 10 when my husband thinks he's just made up the most brilliant joke, all he gets from me is a blank stare or a groan, but luckily our humour match perfectly in a non-joke sense.

    And 9 times out of 10 when I said something tongue in cheek while living in Switzerland, people thought I was serious and yeah, weird, so I stopped doing that. ;)

  2. Someone at my last duty station taped this to the door of our office.

  3. "Why are you running away?"



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