Friday, May 15, 2009

And then I'm going to be famous!!

I was interviewed yesterday by a Danish journalism student about being part of the "invisible immigrant" group. That would be those of us foreigners who look Danish enough to "pass" and are therefore not the focus of the Department of Integration and yet are completely effected by the DI mad policies. We are never studied because it is just assumed by Denmark that we'll melt into Danish society completely and joyously. But a group of journalist students were suspicious of this. They had a feeling that we aren't all about homogenization. So they started to look at the ex-pat blogs and were crazy enough to ask me if I would be interviewed.

I see myself becoming the face and voice of the lurking non-Danish minority of western european non-integrating foreigners! I'll call it the LNDMWENIF-party! I'll be famous! I'll be elected to Parliament! And then I'll become Queen of Denmark!!

*pant pant pant*


I *was* interviewed. It was interesting. I learned that there were something like over 100,000 "white" immigrants running around out there. I also learned that we are apparently the go-to segment of society for quotes about how wonderful Denmark is. I also learned that Danes have voted themselves amazingly good at English. My interviewer asked what I thought about that and was very nice when I laughed hysterically. I talked about pronunciation and the push for us to speak perfect Danish, but with all the accents in Denmark, Danes don't even understand each other, so why are we mocked? I really hope I managed to not to accidently steal someone's clever saying, because I tried to keep it all to my own words. I'm pretty sure I didn't give out any names, mentioning "a fellow expat" or "one of my classmates". So your privacy is respected, although your experiences were shared.

But you know what was really nerve wracking? Being asked to recall specific examples from 5 years ago. I think the lunch incident, where I ate the wrong food in the wrong order in the wrong combinations thus bringing lunch to a complete and utter standstill as people looked on horrified, appalled and in some cases, nauseous, happened on the first trip to Sjælland... we'd gone for a birthday and a christening and the lunch was a family affaire, but relating to which, the birthday or the christening??

I worry too much about this stuff.

Because of this, I had several dreams last night where I remembered things from my distant youth and tried to remember exactly when and where these events took place:
1) Being trampled on a trampoline
2) Swimming in someone's pool with all my clothes ON because I was too modest to swim in my underwear with all the other little kids from my class
3) Eating honeysuckle while standing next to a pile of cow manure, thus ruining any taste they may have had

Anyway, I did mention that I don't think I could make it here in Denmark without the other fabulous foreigners I have met. You lot are the net that catches me when I'm down and cheering crowd that celebrates my successes. You remind me that it's okay to not be happy all the time, that life is hard and sometimes it totally sucks and that that is OKAY. You are there to tell me that I am lovely and wonderful and funny. Yeah, my husband tells me that often, but he's biased and knows I'll over-salt his food. YOU are the reason I can say, with all honesty and with great enthusiasm, "I CAN DO THIS!" I also appreciate my sane Danish friends who have taught me to spit when someone mentions Pia whatshername and to throw shoes at the TV when she's on. You are living examples of what this country theoretically ought to be, but isn't. My sane Danes, you give me hope!

Hugs! Hugs to all! Big over the top American style hugs, with patting and rocking and squeezing and hollering!


  1. Throw in a big Yeehaw on that! I definitely can agree that having my expat bloggers around really helps me keep my sanity in a foreign land.

  2. little did you know, but I think you just sent a TEXAS SIZE HUG... the biggest there is! :o)

    I have my interview with that "kid" next week...we can compare notes afterward!

  3. Oh, this is excellent news! Please keep us informed as to when and where the article will appear.

  4. Anonymous4:56 PM

    You got my full vote to be a queen of Denmark, and we (all the foreigners) would give a big sigh of relief ...hehehe

    do tell us when the article will be printed!

  5. OOhh!! I be blog friends with fehmus person!
    If you become queen can i please wear your tiara once?

    :( Asian immigrants are not even worth a story..ha ha.But i hope you told them like it is. Would love to read it when its out.

  6. That's why I can't shut up on these blogs, I'm so happy to have FOUND some PEOPLE to talk to. After TWO YEARS !!!!!!!

    Ahem, I'm all right now. WHEN are you next getting together?????

  7. Anonymous8:12 PM

    Funny as always Archie. (can I call you that?!)

    The thing about the accents gets me every time. Everybody beats up prins Henrik for his accent, and mocks him for his terrible Danish. HELLO! He speaks a damn better Danish than even people employed by the friggin' state. We need to recondition these people to enjoying accents. Abu is the funniest person on The Simpsons qua his accent (all respect June). Could you imagine that in Danish? It would never fly. I vote that we all start talking with retroflexes (ie. the tongue curls back on consonants) just to piss them off.

  8. No offesne taken jenny! "what to do, we talking like that only' :)
    And I cannot comment on your blog, it gives some error message.

  9. Anonymous7:52 AM

    Uh oh. Blogger actin' up? I tried messin' with my settings, and saving them again. Hmm, hope it works now.

  10. I think you'd make a great queen too! And I would worship at your feet!

    Big expat over squeezy hugs to you too :) :) xxxxxxxxx

    I've been approached by the press a few times over the years here, weirdly because some journalist wants to do an article on an odd person (I suspect) and nothing to do with being foreign, and where they get my name and details from I do not know (informing Danes probably), but I can never give these interviews because of my family....and yet wish I could!!!

    So it's ace to hear that you have given us a 'voice' through your answers and I am looking forward to hearing what comes next!

    And: let's meet up again sooooooooon!!!!

    P.s: my word verification was 'meetin'-how telling!

  11. This reminds me of hours spent hanging around at the udlændingekontor at the police station waiting for some pointless piece of paper and never being entirely sure whether I should be feeling angry at being treated like a penniless refugee or guilty for expecting to be treated differently. (I have "varigt ophold" now, so hopefully those days are over forever.)


Keep it clean, don't be mean....