Friday, June 22, 2012

Obviously I’ve confused myself with someone else

I don’t know if you’ve heard about the “Muppet Theory.”  I’ll let you go check it out, quick like.  It’s fun and shouldn’t be taken too seriously, but like many oversimplifications, you can still learn a lot about yourself from it.

For example, if you’d asked me before I read the article, I would have told you that I’m a Chaos Muppet.  I mean, OBVIOUSLY!  As I was reading the article, I laughed at “if your house catches on fire and you know precisely how to rescue your Schumann CDs in under 15 seconds, you’re an Order Muppet,” because I don’t have a Schumann CD!  LOL!

Cue slight delay for maximum humor purposes.

I know I don’t have a Schumann CD, because when I organized our CD’s based on frequency of use, I would have noticed if we had Schumann…


I am such an Order Muppet. 

And I really ought to know better than think of myself as anything but.  I am The Keeper of Knowledge in my relationship, after all.  My desk may look like the set of a post-apocalyptic disaster flick, but I could leap up and collect all of my family’s passports in under five seconds.  My passport and those belonging to my child (yes, she has two) are in the file on my desk, the DB’s is on the table in the entry hall, under a pile of other random crap that belongs to him that he has yet to put away.

And probably will never be put away, that’s the beauty of the system.

The Danish Boy is most assuredly a Chaos Muppet.  He looks like an Order Muppet on the outside.  His shirt is tucked in, his hair is gelled, he’s on time… but he’s carrying half a dozen different bags because his note pad is in one, papers he’s got to turn in to the municipality in another and his camera in a third and one of those bags is probably carrying another few bags for shopping which in turn may be stuffed with more shopping bags that he’s forgotten he’s already packed. His brain is constantly popping and fizzing with ideas and half-baked plans.  He looks so calm, but if anyone is going to suddenly say, “let’s go to Germany today!” it’ll be him. 

I look like a Chaos Muppet, wearing whatever clothes I grabbed out of the drawers in the dark (I never remember to set out my clothes the night before, but my clothes are organized so that I can grab a complete outfit out of the drawers even if I can't see what I'm grabbing), I’ve probably not had enough coffee because I was child wrangling, and I’m carrying one ridiculously large bag.  But that bag contains everything that anyone might need on whatever trip we’re taking.  Chances are that the bag was packed the night before.  Chances are that it only took me a few seconds to pack that bag because everything we might possibly need is stocked, at hand, and probably already organized in smaller, easy to assemble containers.  If anyone is going to be able to be out the door and in the car, ready to go to Germany at a moment’s notice, it’ll be me.

We’re Kermit and Miss Piggy.   Sure, I can organize an event in under two weeks, but I need my Miss Piggy Danish Boy to kidnap invite the celebrity host. 

Yes, I just called my husband Miss Piggy.  I’m sure he’d be just as appalled as you are.

But have you ever noticed that the more hysterical Kermit gets, the more calm and focused Miss Piggy is?  And when Miss Piggy is frantic, it’s Kermit who keeps the show moving?  Yeah, that’s kind of how it works around here.

Even if I secretly wish I was Gonzo.


  1. Unsurprisingly, I am a Chaos muppet. Only, I was forced to act like an Order muppet while I was with the exgirlfriend. I guess it was doomed to end. I just need to find myself an Order muppet.

  2. Anonymous6:27 PM

    Yep, I'm an Order Muppet with a Chaos Muppet husband, too. You wouldn't guess it by looking at the pile of clothes on the floor next to my bed, but when there are a lot of things that need to be controlled, I save my energy for those and don't bother with smaller things like clothes and dishes.


Keep it clean, don't be mean....