Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Best and Worst of Advice

Now I know that having a child is an invitation for universal, unending, unsolicited advice.  What, you thought that because it’s your child, you were the expert on it?  No, no no, having a child means you are an expert on other people’s children and other people are experts on your child.  You cannot be the expert on your own child.  It’s just not how it works.   So it does seem a little silly to be complaining about the buttloads of advice we now receive, because we knew we were in for it... but come on, it’s hilarious half the time!  I really must share!

So don’t think of this as a lament, think of it as a celebration of the absurd.

And if I had to narrow it down to the best and worst of advice I've gotten so far, it would be regarding my child's eating habits.

Yeah, she's not even 10 months old and already people are picking on her eating habits.

My child is an enthusiastic eater.  Wait, correct that, she's enthusiastic about food.  Not so much the eating of it, but the rubbing it all over the place, feeding the cat, the DB, the AG, the floor (which used to get so hungry, but thank god we had a baby, now the floor will never go hungry again!), putting some in her hair for later, in her nose for a midnight snack, and in her ears for, well, god knows when she'll eat the stuff she put in her ears... or it could be to use as ear plugs because the DB and I both snore.

But so does the cat!!

I'm such a tattle-tale.

Anyway, apart from being cute and annoying at the same time, cute because hair sticking out with mashed carrots in it is just cute and annoying because dammit I just washed the child and now it's like I dipped her in egg and rolled her in bread crumbs (I could tempura the heck out of the Spawn), I don't really have any problem with how we spend meal times.

This, however, does not stop the advice from coming in.

Best advice ever: There are clean babies and there are happy babies.

Okay, maybe it's not advice, per se, but it's a great rule to live by nonetheless.  And evidenced by my furiously happy (read: not clean) child.

Worst advice ever: You should hold her arms down so she can't touch the food.

Wait, what?  Are you suggesting I pin the arms of my child down so she can't a) examine the stuff I'm trying to stick in her face b) help learn to feed herself c) move?  Can we talk about great ways to introduce food issues at a young age?  Because I think you may be on to something here!

I'll cut the advice giver some slack, she's over 85 after all and it was a different time.  But it's still the funniest awful advice I've ever heard.


  1. You simply must introduce this 85 year old lady to Carl's Jr commercials. You know, if it doesn't get all over the place....

    That is all.

  2. I've always followed your favorite good advice with my boys because its so true! You just have to watch it when they get to the pre-teen years: stinky boys = unhappy mom (and classmates)!

  3. Heather12:17 PM

    It never stops btw. Munchkin is nine and I constantly get advice on how to raise him and how I'm doing it all wrong *sigh* Never mind the fact that he's well-behaved, intelligent, creative and curious about everything . . .

  4. Oh, isn't advice fun. What's great s when you catch yourself doing it to someone else, and then later you think...Why did I do that? I hate when people do it to me!

    Right now, I'm having an ongoing argument about how to raise the midget. My cousins insist she's evil, and that her snark is the worst thing in the which I reply, a.) she's my child, of course she's snarky and b.) you pick your battles and c.) call me when your kids are adolescents...


Keep it clean, don't be mean....