Tuesday, April 07, 2009

And the bank fuckery moves to America

WARNING: THIS POST IS RATED R FOR LANGUAGE.

And general assfuckery.

Just in case you wondered if Danish banks had a monopoly in assholeness, think again. My credit just got cancelled because they can tell by looking at my bank records that I don't have a steady income, therefore I must be unemployed, therefore I shouldn't have.... wait for it.... $3,000 in debt. Yes folks, I am the reason for the recession. My wild borrowing habits have ruined, simply ruined the economy.

By the way, if you calculate in the debt I have from over 10 years of higher education you get a whopping.... $7000.

Yes that includes the three grand mentioned above. Boy, if only I'd pay that back, the stock market would rise and babies would smile, China would start following human rights directives and Hamas, Fatah, and Israel would sit down and start singing Kum-bay-yah.

I called the bank because I couldn't use my credit card so I wanted to transfer that money to my checking, because I can make withdrawals no problem. Turns out it's not a problem with my card, it's a problem with ME.

That's when they grilled me about my income. And my husband's. And what did I want to use my money for and when was I going to be able to pay it back and why can't I tell her right now how much money my "family" makes in a year and I keep telling her I DON'T LIVE IN THE US - THE MONEY I MAKE IS IN KRONER, THE MONEY MY HUSBAND MAKES IS IN KRONER AND IT STAYS IN DENMARK!! Of course I don't have a steady income in the US. I'M NOT FUCKING THERE!! Have I missed a payment? Nope. Have I got money to cover the next two payments? Yup. Does it look like I'm living off my credit card? Are there lots of payments to grocery stores and gas stations? NO BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING USE IT UNLESS I NEED TO. Last purchase on credit card? Computer. In OCTOBER! Yeah, I'm totally fucking living off my fucking credit card you stupid fucking bitch.

She told me that I could get my credit back when I got a job.

Did I tell her off? No. What was the point? Telling her she's a horrible person and I hope she gets cervical cancer and dies may make me feel better, but only until I realize that it probably won't happen just because I wish it to.

Did I cry? Not on the phone. Again, no point. She was a bitch and tears weren't going to sway her. Only make me look like a sad little girl who obviously doesn't deserve a "grown up" account.

I got off the phone and THEN had my temper-tantrum.

And I'm going to do what I feel is appropriate. Change fuckin' banks. No money other than what I owe will be going into Bank of America. When my credit card is paid off, I'm closing it out. I will not make any more purchases on that card. I will pay it off as fast as I can to minimize the interest they can charge me. I will not put any more money in the bank. I will not recommend Bank of America to my friends. I will never use Bank of America again. And when I close out my account I will tell them why they lost me as a client.

Anybody know any good banks?

10 comments:

  1. Oh, I hate, hate, hate Bank of America. I'm so sorry, love.

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  2. Oh my god, I hate Bank of America. I've seriously considered doing something very drastic to them. They are assfucks of the lowest order, and I personally hope their HQs implode.

    I'm really sorry to hear about this absurd and nasty turn of events.

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  3. I HATE BofA!! We used BofA for our government travel cards in the military, and it was a CONSTANT battle. I was on the phone with them EVERY time I went on a deployment because my card would magically expire, my account had a different number. it was always SOMETHING. I have never used them as a private bank, the run around I got from their government office was just too much.

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  4. So sorry to hear that. I guess Danske bank is next on the cards..?

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  5. I am so sorry! What a mess!!!
    I only use Chase and have not had too much trouble so far... but I always wonder if I will attempt to use my card and it will be closed for some reason.... it is a bit scary being so far away from any bank location when you know you have money just sitting there!!

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  6. Danske bank already pulled this shit with my husband. We're going to switch to Nordea, most likely, as soon as we get things a bit more settled, like our income finally equals our output. That should happen within the next month because we're getting roommates. Roommates that will contribute to the mortgage!

    I'm thinking of going to Wells Fargo. If nothing else, I want to send the check that pays off my loans with a Wells Fargo logo on it. And a nice letter telling them why I went to Wells Fargo.

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  7. Ooh I hate bankers! They're so snotty and that they think they're God or something.

    Here I use Amagerbanken, they seem pretty ok. I tend to avoid the big names hence my choice :)

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  8. I have heard nothing but bad things about BOA. So sorry this has happened!

    My husband still has his Spar Nord account, for the times we are in Denmark. We just transfer money to it when we are there, and we've never had any problems. He hasn't lived in Denmark in 5 years, but they don't question a thing.

    Can't recommend any bank, unfortunately. We belong to Navy Federal Credit Union, and they are the best.

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  9. I thought of you when I got this email from MoveOn asking people to sign a petition demanding BOA's CEO be fired.

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Keep it clean, don't be mean....