Vignettes with my husband

The AG Learns Why Moms Say Really Annoying Things Like "Did you look in [insert obvious location]?"

DB (in the bathroom): Do we have any eye drops?
AG (in bed, reading): Um, yeah, in my purse, downstairs in the plastic ziploc baggy in the main pocket.

Later, DB climbs into bed for AG to administer eye drops.

AG: So are we out of eye drops in the bathroom then?
DB: Oh, I don't know, I didn't check.
AG: You were in the bathroom and didn't bother to look in the medicine box?
DB: No, I figured it was easier to ask you if we had any.
AG: Arrgh!

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The DB Has A Revelation

Alot: Meow.
DB: What? (Yes, he speaks to the cat in English.)
Alot: Meow.
DB: Do you want food?
Alot: Meow.
DB: You have food.
Alot: Meow.
DB: See, look here, in the bowl.
Alot: Meow.
DB: Do you want Daddy to do the trick?
Alot: Meow.
DB (picks up food bowl and stirs the food with a finger before setting it back down): There, look "new food!"
Alot: Meow.
DB: Argh!  What do you want cat!?
Alot: Meow.
DB: Do you want to go out?
Alot: Meow.
DB (gets down closer to the cat and rubs the cat's head): What is it?!?
Alot (flops down on floor and presents belly to be scratched): Meow.
DB: You want to be rubbed?  Is that it?
The DB rubs the cats belly vigoursly, Alot purrs and stretches with obvious contentment.
DB (to the AG): This is just like having a baby, you don't know what they want and they can't tell you and you just have to keep guessing until you get it right!

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Yay, You Aren't Depressed

AG (over dinner): So I started my novel today.
DG: You did!
AG: Yup.  I think I wrote over a thousand words.
DG: Drat, we finished drinking all the apple juice - um, well, there's a bit left.  Cheers!
AG: Uh, oh, cheers.
DG: I am SO PROUD OF YOU!
AG: Why are you getting teary eyed?
DG: Oh, I am just so happy for you!
AG: Oooookaaaay.
DG: And I'm so glad that you aren't depressed!

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And When We Run Out of Wood, We'll Just Burn Money

DG (having stuffed the stove with wood and set it alight): Now that's what I call a fire!
AG: Yup.  Definitely a *big* fire.
DG (disgruntled): But you're always cold!?
AG (taking off her sweater because it's now reached the first circle of hell in terms of heat): I'm not complaining.  I'm just saying it's a big fire.
DG: Harumph!
AG: I really appreciate it, I do!  I'm just sayin', maybe we don't need such a big fire.  I can wear sweaters!  And maybe it will make the wood last longer.
DG (definitely grumpy): We're going to run out of wood.
AG: Yes, see, so maybe a smaller fire?...
DG (practically vibrating with dismay): It doesn't matter, we're going to run out of wood anyway, and I'll have to do something about it at some point, but at least you're WARM!
AG (flings arms around husband, extreme grumpiness is often cured by over-the-top displays of affection): Oh thank you, baby, thank you for keeping me so warm on these cold nights in this horribly cold country!
DG: *sniff* (hugs back)

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One of These Days, He's Going to Get a Kick to The Head

At least once a day the following conversation is heard in the house -
DB: My god you're pregnant!
AG: Yeah, I know.
DB: But really, baby, WOW!  You're huge!
AG: Thanks.

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The Pellet with the Poison is in the Flagon with the Dragon

AG (opens the orange juice carton): Whew!  Dear god almighty!  I think the orange juice has gone bad.
DB: *sniff* Nah, it's just the stuff around the top.
AG: Eeeewwwww!  Well I'm not drinking it!
DB: It's fine!  I'll drink it. (Pours good sized glass and takes a large swig.)  It's fine!
A little while later.
DB: Maybe I shouldn't have drunk that orange juice.
AG: Well if you die, don't come whining to me.