Monday, October 25, 2010

And I feel fine...

I read this blog post on a pregnancy website just now and I gotta say, "Amen, sister!"  Then I read the comments.  Sweet Jesus there are a lot of people out there without a sense of humor.

Here's the conversation I get from well-meaning people, who I know mean well, hence the "well-meaning" part of their title, but are one day going to get popped in the kisser by an angry pregnant woman.

Them: How are you feeeeeeling?  *note: the word "feeling" is drawn out long, and hard and the head ALWAYS cocks to one side.  Why is this?
Me: Fine.  A bit tired.
Them: OooooO? *note: also pronounced O-uh! with the "uh" being higher pitched. Why?
Me: I guess I'm just not sleeping so well.  *note: I mean, no shit Sherlock, I've got a freakin' melon here jutting out from my gut, it's not exactly a pillow, now is it?
Them: Ah.  Well, it will only get worse once the baby's here! *note: Why is this always said in a chipper voice?  Like this is supposed to comfort me?  What I want to say in response is:  OMG!  You mean once the baby's born I'm not going to get 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep on my tummy?  Holy crap, why didn't someone tell me this 5 months ago!?!


I've given a variety of responses to this.  Once I said that was why I was going to drink lots of whiskey, so the baby would sleep better after nursing.  Strangely this did not go over well.  Then again, rereading the comments on the linked blog post, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.  Once you get pregnant you are no longer a real human being with feelings and emotions and wants and needs.  You are a vessel for the growing spawn bundle of crying pooping joy and other people's expectations.  You have no personal space, that belly is for other people to touch - so offer it up freely like the sacrificial goat.  You have one job, and that is to enjoy the crap out of your pregnancy, never complain - remember, there are women out there who would kill to be in your place, KILL! - you are a symbol, a cypher, and so not important compared to that precious future serial killer Hitler bundle you are carrying!

5 comments:

  1. Verliz3:50 AM

    Hee hee hee! Brings back fond memories! Congrats, btw. Please don't knock anybody out when you get the first post-natal "Er du GLAD for", ok??

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  2. Omg I feel it honey. Just keep up your whiskey jokes. Fuck 'em. More lovely comments include: "are you having twins?" "No.". "Are you sure, you're really huge!" "Nope, only one in there - are YOU, you fat bitch?" (that last part didn't really happen, unfortunately)

    And to the "everthing's gonna change a lot after the baby'e here" just answer - yeah, that's why I did it. I was sick of my life as it was. What? Isn't that a perfect excuse to have a baby?!

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  3. Just wait until random people start touching your tummy! *lol*

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  4. Geesh, I guess I can't read since you already mentioned the belly touching bit! Just ignore me...

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  5. When I was pregnant I really wanted to have a Tshirt made that answered everyone's questions. Yes, it's a girl. Yes, it's my first. No, I don't like being pregnant. No, I never had morning sickness.

    All that and more.

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Keep it clean, don't be mean....