Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Roof weasels

We have roof weasels.

"There's no such thing!" you cry.

You callin' me a liar?  You callin' ME a LIAR?

Whose blog is this?  Mine!  And I tell you we have ROOF WEASELS!


I was out on the balcony well after my bedtime, it was easily quarter past midnight, when I spied a dark shape running through the courtyard. It ran up the outside stairs, climbed the drain onto the roof, ran along the gutters to the corner where the building turns, ran up the V where the roofs meet, and then paused dramatically on the ridge of the roof before running down the other side, out of sight.

I stood there dumbfounded.

This time I knew what it was, a European polecat, because I've seen them before on back-country roads in Denmark (i.e. anything that isn't a major roadway). But STILL, in Århus? Downtown? On my roof!?!

I'm fairly sure I have seen this particular animal before in the courtyard, but long long ago, before I knew about wild polecats.

I do not know where it lives, but I suspect it lives in the attic of our building. Around the corner from our apartment, in another section, so I can't climb up and find out. I'd really like to know what it was doing while I was removing rats from the basement, because DUDE, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO EAT RATS YOU SKINNY WALL CLIMBING BASTARD!!

You know how you sometimes have to set mouse traps even though you have cats? You look at your cats and think, you lazy overfed footwarmers, why do I bother keeping you around? You KNOW they'll be out later killing the birds you try to feed and digging the corpses of the mice you've killed out of the trash, but god forbid they kill the mouse in your house eating your cookies! Why does nature NEVER work in my favor?

I'm also a bit bitter because I'm suffering from allergies. Screw you Mother Nature. Just screw you.

I had a ferret as a pet. I LOVED my ferret. I miss his fuzzy butt. If I hadn't been 3 floors up, I would have run across the roof and scooped that little hairy body up and my husband would currently be wondering how to dispose of my new "pet" while I was abroad. And I'd probably be in the hospital getting rabies shots.

No, I don't think my roof weasel has rabies. It was a perfectly sane, cute little pointy faced weasel with a slightly puffed tail from some imagined fright (or possibly a rather exciting encounter with another weasel... it is spring), dancing across the lawn under the star-lit sky....



Technically, this is a STOAT. And while I do love this song... don't you feel like "Being for the Benifit of Mr. Kite" would have been more appropriate?

8 comments:

  1. Ok. For one minute and fortytwo fucking seconds, I sat at my desk. I found myself nodding my head to the music. Tapping fingers. Then smiling, thinking - "awww, cute little guy". Laughing, no, guffawing out loud at my desk, over the little critter. What have I become? My BADASS giant TORTOISE is gonna kick yo...oh sorry. Wrong channel.

    You sure the critter in the yard wasn't a rat?!

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  2. haha to Jennie. funny.
    btw...i'm a giant fkin squid according to the coolest FB quiz EVA!
    I eat roofcritters for a snack after my breakfast of boats! Take that Denmark! lol

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  3. I met a hare running up Vestre Strandalle the other day. Not a rabbit, definitely a hare. He was enormous.

    We were told that we probably had the same kind of polecat in our loft. Our first Christmas here, we put some risengrod up in the loft for the nisser, for the children. And when we came to get the bowl down, it had been polished clean. And the spoon was gone.

    I like suburban wildlife. Hold on, do you count as urban rather than sub- ?

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  4. You crack me up. Seriously. We really must meet!

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  5. @ Jennie: And I can shoot lasers out of my... so anyway... Definitely not a rat. Puffy tail. Masked face. But way to small to be a raccoon. Do they have raccoons in Denmark?

    @ Lucy: I am definitely urban here. Downtown Århus baby!

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  6. We had pinemartins in our last house here. Scary looking buggers with sharp teeth.

    But you know what? I don't mean to freak you out..but there are some pretty huge rats scampering around DK right now. We caught one in the last six months that was so huge my spouse was shocked, and it takes a lot to shock him.

    I personally, had never seen anything like it either, it was as big as a cat.

    And our cats keep catching massive healthy muscular looking rats too, I mean, it could be a rat you saw.

    You have to phone the kommune either way.

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  7. @ Babs: But the puffy tail precludes it from being a rat, rats do not have puffy tails. Long thin hairless (mostly) tails, yes, fluffy tails, no.

    If I (well, not me, since that would be silly) called the kommune, would they trap it or would they kill it? I don't particularly want it killed, since unlike the rats in our basement which where eating peoples stored belongings, this polecat isn't doing much to negatively impact our lives. The trash hasn't been rifled nor has anyone's pets been molested. Although, if the polecat could do something about the stupid pomeranians who shit in the yard and give the owner who isn't always the best at picking it up a large nasty bite, I'd give it a medal.

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  8. Ha ha! Roof weasels! In Denmark! How exotic!

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Keep it clean, don't be mean....