This Break Was Brought To You By: Alot

If I type this very fast, maybe I can get a post out before the cat wakes up.

Wait, "cat"?  Shouldn't that read "baby" or something?

Yeah, let me explain.

Alot is going through a needy patch at the moment.  I mean, if he's in the house he must be touching me or I must be touching him.  If I fail to provide adequate attention, plaintive meowing and getting where he shouldn't ensues.

Alot: (jumps up on table)
AG: Argh, you know you aren't supposed to be up on the table!
Alot: (flings self down and rolls over) I'm not "up" on the table!  Look, I'm lying down!  I'm "lying down" on the table!
AG: Come on, get off the table.
Alot: No!  I'll be good! See, I'm asleep! (closes eyes and grips the table cloth with all claws) *PURRRR*

So I scoop the cat up and immediately he's cuddling in my arms and rubbing his head under my chin.
Alot: Oh, I love you!  How much I love to be held by you!!  *PURRRRRR* (grips sweater with claws, presses body close)

The easiest solution, I've found, is to give in.  We sit on the couch and I lean back so he's resting on top of my belly (by which I mean, he's really sitting on the shelf that the Spawn has created for my dining pleasure) and I pet him and watch TV.  It's a good excuse to put my feet up for half an hour, but it means less surfing the web, I can't man-handle computer and cat into the living room at the same time.

Eventually he gets too warm and moves off of me before going into a deep sleep.  This is when I get up and sneak out of the living room and back to the internet.  He's getting more clever though.  Now he drapes part of himself over me, or lays next me in a way that keeps me from getting up without disturbing him.  Because then we can repeat the process.

Alot: *MEOW* Wait! *MEOW* Where are you going? *MEOW* Take me with you! *MEOW* Are you going to do something with the computer? (runs ahead, jumps up on the table and lays on the computer) 'S okay, I'm here, we can still be together! *PURRR*
AG: (face/palm)

My husband watched this process today and asked, "what does he think he is, a baby?" or maybe he asked "what is he going to do once we have a baby?" I'm not entirely sure because the cat was purring too loudly in my ear.

Spawn seems to find the whole thing a means of entertainment.  If the cat pushes on my belly with his feet, Spawn is sure to push back.  Sometimes Alot gives me this look like, "excuse me, could you not move your belly so much, I'm trying to sleep here!" and I have to tell him, "look, man, it's not me, it's Spawn.  Take it up with Spawn in two months, okay?"

It's probably a good thing I'm going to give birth to an octopus.  I think there is going to be an epic battle for my lap and my child will start off the underdog, lacking in size and claws, but having little fists and feet of steel.   And if Alot's solution to the "Mom is paying attention to the computer when she should be paying attention to me" problem is anything to go on, Spawn is going to get laid on a lot.