Tuesday, January 11, 2011

And thus I entered the third trimester haze

Don't get me wrong, I love my shower.

I was surprised by how much I missed my shower while in Qatar.  The shower we had this year was waaaaay better than the one we had last year.
Last year's shower.  Yes, it *is* a toilet, how kind of you to notice.  
But I swear to you, water came (sometimes) from a pipe just out of frame.  
And sometimes it was even hot water!

This year I always had hot water and I always had water pressure, and what more can a person ask for?  Okay, it was about 5 inches too short, so I had to duck to rinse my hair, but that put the water at a great position on my back!

And yet the first time I took a shower when I got home I could have cried with joy.  Maybe it was the hormones, but it was just so fabulous!  INSTANT hot water, at the right temperature.  No fiddling with multiple knobs, you have one that's set to the temperature you know is the right temperature and one knob that turns the water on and off.  The shower head can be attached to the wall or you can take it down to rinse off the under bits.  Now that my stomach blocks off pretty much everything from my belly button down, this feature is indispensable.  Not to mention that the hot water helps unblock my sinuses, soothes kicking Spawn, works out kinks in my joints and gets rid of that weird-because-it's-different odor I've developed since I've been pregnant.

Happy happy joy joy, right?  I must be taking showers every time you turn around, right?

Uh, no.  Not at all.  In fact, if I could get away with it, I'd shower a whole lot less.  I'm down to every other day, if I need to leave the house, and when I know I'm not going anywhere you couldn't pay me to get into the shower.

"Why, God, why!?" screams the inner me, the little bit that remembers my love of showers and the joy of all that hot falling water.  This bit of me knows that I'll be filled with happiness if I would just get in the freaking shower already and stop looking in the mirror to convince myself that really, I don't look that greasy, surely I could go one more day...

But what does me in, every time, is the effort needed to take clothes off and then on, especially since drying myself has become particularly difficult and perilous, so most of me is still pretty damp when I'm fighting to get into my clothes.  Really, a person should not be exhausted after putting on socks.  And why must it be so difficult to get my pants over my butt?  And am I lacking a joint in my arms that would allow me to get my shirts and sweaters over my head without getting tangled in the sleeves?  I've been dressing myself for a long time and I don't remember it ever being so damn hard!

Then, horror of horrors, came the day I knew would one day arrive.  I forgot to rinse my hair.

This happened quite a few times in the first trimester, when I lost my mind in a cloud of hormonal activity and I was warned that the cloud would return for the third trimester, so I have been particularly careful to try to remember these things.  But of course, it's impossible to remember that you have to remember when not only are you fighting third trimester haze, but pre-coffee-just-rolled-out-of-bed-brain.  And I didn't notice when I brushed my hair.  Or when I blow-dried my hair.  Or when I brushed it AGAIN to get it into place.  "Hmmm," I thought, "my hair just doesn't want to dry today!"

Yeah, two hours later, plopped on the couch with the cat, watching TV while doing a spot of embroidery (I'll post on that at some point, I swear hope) I finally realized that it wasn't that my hair was still wet, it was still coated in conditioner.

BALLS!

It took a few more hours before I finally convinced myself that, really, I could not just wait and shower again the next day, I should really get up and rinse my hair RIGHTNOW.  DO IT GIRL!  JUST GET UP AND SHOWER ALREADY!  Back in the first trimester, this would involve hanging my head over the bathtub and using the hand-held-shower-spray-thingy (BALLS!  What is that called??) to rinse my damn hair without getting back into the shower or even undressing.  However, those days are long gone and I was going to have to get buck nekkid AGAIN.

Gahragh!

* Funny side note: while typing this post I suddenly remembered that I had a dentist appointment... six hours ago.  BALLS!  And of course they only have appointments when they conflict with the rare other appointments I have so now I have to wait another month to have my teeth cleaned.  Dear brain, where did you go?

I feel I am constantly battling not only Newton's first law of motion (a body at rest will stay at rest, a body in motion will stay in motion), but also my inability to remember what motions I should be doing while in motion.

Ah well, at least I only have 10 more weeks of this.

Then it will get worse.

Hahahahaha *sob*

5 comments:

  1. Anonymous3:36 PM

    LOL, okay, you forgot to rinse your hair. You are now one of US! Motherhood will completely turn your head around and it ain't so long before you go out in clothes that are back to front and inside out. And you are going to have bits of toast crust stuck to your derriere and all sorts of stuff.

    Mothers don't have space for ego. IT'S GREAT!!!!

    Here's looking at the last ten weeks then. A SPRING BABY!!!!!

    'BABS' XXX

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmmmm clearly the only solution is to yank up the heating and walk around naked. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, I have that beat. While I was completely unpregnant and had no excuse, I went to a first date with shampoo in my hair. He was a turd though, so no great loss.

    Don't they have tent-dresses for women in your condition? Like, what would Princess Mary do?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Let's find the positive... I bet on those "forgot to rinse" days that your hair was the softest it has been in years! :-)

    The other is being PG in Denmark in the winter...
    I gave birth in Texas in JULY.. :-)

    Does that help??? LOL

    ReplyDelete
  5. @ Kelli - I'm afraid that the days I forgot to rinse my hair it was the most disgusting it's been in years - and that's saying something from the archaeologist who has worked in dust storms. Gross gross gross! I'd also kill to be back somewhere warm for the duration of my pregnancy - it is rough trying to get in and out of all these blooming layers every time I want to pee. And I'm always freaking cold!!

    If you want me to look at the positive side... well, my boobs are HOT and my butt is FANTASTIC and I get a a child at the end of it... but that's pretty much it.

    ReplyDelete

Keep it clean, don't be mean....