Never fear, I'm on the great Pregnancy Hormonal Roller Coster! I can't maintain one emotion for longer than 10 minutes! It's always changing and we don't know which emotion will hit me next!! Wheeeee!
Just think of the fun and excitement this lends to our household! The sound I make when I'm hysterically laughing sounds very similar to when I'm hysterically crying and so the DB often comes running into a room to check on me, finding me holding my belly, tears running down my face, moaning "it hurts, it hurts BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!" and he has to ask "baby, are you laughing or are you crying?"
My husband agrees that on the whole, I've been a model of hormonal balance.
AG: You know, I think I'm holding it together very well.
DB: You are! I'm so proud of you and lucky to have you as my wife.
Of course, he's got finely honed survival instincts. He agrees with everything I say. In return, I haven't thrown anything at his head. Marriage is all about compromise, the little gives and takes that make it all work out just fine.
So the other night he took me out to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 1. This has nothing to do with my hormones. Or the rest of this post. I just thought I'd mention where we were going.
Anyway, as I'm putting on my eight layers needed to brave the snow and ice, I remember that I have a scarf I'd just gotten for Christmas that I'd really like to wear for the occasion, but it's in another room. So I walk from the entryway to my office, in the dark, because I know my way, and the cat gets eight kinds of excited because he's been playing with the DB's shoelaces and now Mommy is going into another room and who knows what fun she might be up to! Because even though Mommy walks around the house in the dark in the middle of the night quite frequently and it never leads to anything awesome THIS COULD BE THE NIGHT THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING!
Deep down inside every pessimistic, uninterested cat is a determined optimist.
As cats are wont to do, he ran directly in front of me. 'Cause he wants to get there first? Who knows why cats do this. But they do. They run either in between your legs or right in front of you. Only it's dark. And I can't see him. And when I walk it is a slow transition of weight from one piston-like leg to the other (complete with the hiss and clank of a steampunk robot), while the free leg swings forward like a pendulum. And not a Edward Allen Poe pendulum, thin and slick, slicing away moments of your life. This pendulum is canon ball, a powerful, damage inducing, solid object swinging through time and space with unstoppable force. (Until it meets a coffee table, but that's a different story.) So as my leg swung forward, my foot scooped up the cat, just in the soft middle bit, where he's developing a sympathy belly to accompany my pregnancy, and lightly flung him through the air about midway across the room, where he landed with a solid thump on all four feet.
To say he looked surprised would be an understatement.
Not my cat, but pretty much my cat's expression
I quickly hurried over crying out "oh, baby kitty, I'm so sorry, oh, honey are you okay?" and scooped him up in my arms. He pushed himself back away from my chest with one paw and raised the other as if to slap me and gave me the best "you bitch, WTF?!" look.
Still not my cat, but a darned good impression
This is when I started to giggle.
I set the cat on the couch, trying to pet him and check for injuries or at least sore points, all the while trying to swallow the giggles that were now starting to leak out of my eyes and run out my nose. Alot was having none of it and escaped with as much dignity as he could muster, while trying to look simultaneously disgruntled and disinterested in any more fun and games (it mostly just made him look gassy), to the dining room, where the DB let him out to pout and probably tell all the other cats in the area about the cruelties of fat human women who don't watch where they waddle.
And I lost it. I just kept laughing. I had the hardest time telling my husband what happened and his completely rational question of "why is kicking the cat half way across the room FUNNY?" just really couldn't be answered.
I mean, obviously, if the cat had been injured, I wouldn't have been laughing. I think. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have. But the way he rose up in the air, the look on his face, the solid *thump* when he landed and the "you bitch, I'm a-gonna slap you" moment were just too much.
And every time I thought about it I started giggling again. Not "he he he" but full-body-shaking, tears in the eyes, snot running down the nose giggling. I giggled as we walked up the street. I giggled as I waited in the lobby while he purchased tickets. I giggled 6 hours later when we were lying in bed and I couldn't sleep because of the acid reflux and the gymnastics champion in my belly and I was thinking about writing this post.
I woke the poor DB who once again had to ask his wife if she was crying or laughing, because one necessitated cuddling and the other required him to get up, have a stiff drink, and wait until she calmed down again.
Because these days, once I start giggling, I just can't stop.