Thursday, November 22, 2012

Things you learn and other stuff


You can tryk (push) a pig.  But you probably shouldn’t tyrk (Turk) a pig.

Did you know that farmers can only spray certain pesticides on their crops between 9 pm and 3 am because that’s when the bees sleep?

GPS is run by the US government and they could decide one day to just turn it off.  The Russians call their system “GLONASS”.  I’m still giggling.

Say you want to raise a bull on your farm to impregnate your cows and sell the extra semen (yes, I just wrote semen on my blog, YOU’RE WELCOME) for heaps of profit.  Because bull sperm is like sticky-liquid gold, or something.  Anyway, you won’t know if the bull is a genetic winner until he is 5 years old and his daughter-cow has had a calf and the farmer can measure the cow’s milk production.  If the cow isn’t a good milk cow, the bull goes off to the butchers and you’ve just wasted five years of food on a great hulking asshole that chases you around the yard and pulls up your fence. 

I completely missed Thanksgiving this year.  If it hadn’t been for some folks wishing each other a Happy Thanksgiving on Bacefook, I never would have known.

Christmas decorations have been up in the stores since October.

I think I’m finally okay with that.  I never get to revel in Christmas the way I want, it always seems to rush up to me, kick me in the shins and then run away.  This way I can have an almost-Christmas feeling for longer than 6 hours.

I’m fairly sure that my headlong rush into roundabouts is what has ruined the servos and possibly something in the steering of my car.  Every time I turn left, the car screams.  Then again, I’m only going the same speed as the rest of the traffic and they aren’t having noisy car issues. 

There is a special circle of hell for drivers that
1) pass you and then slow down
2) speed up as you try to pass
3) and then slow back down after you get behind them again
Each of these things is a damnable offense.  Doing all three?  May Lucifer eat your kidneys for all eternity, foul and miserable being!  May your credit card magnetic strip be demagnetized and your accounts investigated by the taxman!

Speaking of taxes, I just spoke to the Danish tax service.  In Danish.  And got what I needed.  I only had to switch to English to say the number 70, because it’s a bitch and a cell phone isn’t the best conductor of accent.

What’s funny is that I didn’t really know what I needed. I knew I needed to give the tax office some numbers and get them to do something about two tax forms for me.  Somehow it all came together.  I called the accountant back and made her ridiculously happy.  I guess she hadn’t expected me to actually do what she’d ask me to do right away AND let her know that I had done it.

She hasn’t called me back to tell me that it’s all kinds of wrong, so I guess I can count this a win for the day.

I’m caught up on homework and projects.  OH MY GAWD I KNOW!

And then tomorrow we have to make some videos with narration.  And on Monday I have to present a project in front of the class.

Note to self: buy more deodorant.

1 comment:

  1. That is the perfect metaphor for how I always feel about Christmas...it rushes up, kicks me in the shins and then runs away.

    But not this year, dammit. I'm putting my tree up the weekend after my birthday, come hell or high water (or bronchitis or arthritis in my case). And I've actually already bought presents and have a plan for the rest of the Christmas presents I have to buy. I will not let Christmas make me it's bitch this year!

    ReplyDelete

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