It's not cat pee

AG: You know, science has supposedly proven that women have a better sense of smell than men, but are worse at spacial reasoning.  But seeing how I'm a whiz at parking...
DB: I know, I know, more proof that you are the man and I'm the woman.
AG: Well, you'd better hope so, otherwise you are having olfactory hallucinations.

My husband is insisting that one of our mattresses smells of cat pee.  I have sniffed and sniffed and all I smell is that chemically fresh mattress smell.  I keep telling him that if a cat had sprayed or peed in the spare room WE WOULD TOTALLY SMELL IT!

I'm half tempted to lock Alot in one of the rooms until he pees just to show my husband that cat pee is a smell unto itself.  A powerful one-two punch that can only be outdone by the +80 rats that the rat catcher has racked up in the basement of the building in Århus.  (Seriously, the rat catcher sends the DB texts every week with the latest numbers.)  Cat pee is not a slight scent that one can catch from time to time.  It assaults the nose, makes the eyes run, bleaches carpet.

To top it off, the man has never owned a cat.  His father hates cats and instilled a fear and distrust of cats in my husband at a young age.  Seriously.  He finally confessed to me that there was a neighbor's cat that used to follow him home from the bus stop.  It would run in front of him and sit in the road and my husband would have to CROSS THE STREET because if he didn't he *knew* the cat would "get him."  It would often sit at the end of the driveway and he'd have to dash past it to get safely home.  I now feel slightly bad that I subjected him to my family's cats without any warning, but how did I know he was uncomfortable around cats?  It does also prove how much my husband was determined to make a good impression on my family.  He let our cats sit on him.  (To be fair to the cats, you try to keep a 20 lbs cat off you.  The hubs had pretty much no choice on that one.)  It was years before I found out about his discomfort.  By then my family's cats had slightly desensitized him.  I mean, how can you fear a drooling cross eyed cat who puts out a paw and asks "merow?" before climbing into your lap?

Anyway, his only knowledge of cat pee was once when he stayed with a relative who had a cat and that cat peed on his duvet.  He was 8 or something.  It was further proof that cats were evil monsters in fur coats, as far as his father was concerned.  But does not change my opinion that the DB has NO IDEA what he's talking about in regards to cat pee.

There is NO cat pee smell.

IT'S NOT CAT PEE!!