Did you have a good week? I had a good week. I had an exhausting week. I had a week that shows me that the next 15 weeks are going to be boring, exciting, easy, difficult, perplexing, clarifying, exhausting, but probably never ever restful.
On Monday I was thrown into it. By the end of the day, we’d had a massive amount of information given to us (you know, the normal orientation things, like who wants a meal plan, here’s your pile of books, here’s your password to the internet) and several hours of lecture time.
I don’t think I’ve ever started a school where we began lectures the first DAY let alone the first WEEK.
Then again, most of my educations were going to be a hell of a lot longer than 16 weeks.
Also, none of my previous teachers/professors talked NEARLY as fast. Swear to god, some of the sentences I heard this week went: brrrrrililililil brrrrrrrrilililil. Then there will be one word that I understand and all is clear again.
Clear as mud.
Tuesday was more lecture and the Big Misunderstanding, i.e. gym class.
Wednesday. I learned to drive a tractor. And plow a field. Then I drove a tractor and plowed a bit of field. Driving a tractor is almost not entirely unlike driving a car. Double negation would leave you to believe that it is IN FACT just like driving a car. No, it is unlike driving a car, but not entirely unlike driving a car. There’s a clutch and a break and a gas pedal and a gearbox, which you use when you are driving on the road. On the field you use a hand lever to increase gas to the engine and hand paddle to increase speed. You can give the engine a huge amount of gas and just sit there, burning gas and not moving and you can also try to move and not give it any gas. This, by the way, doesn’t work. Trust me. Then you have to lift and drop your plow, determine how deep you need to set the plow, watch it while you plow because you will need to change the depth the plow is set to based on soil conditions and angle you are driving at. It’s a bit harder than you’d think, but not in the ways you would normally think. Steering, for example, is a BREEZE!
Thursday we had 8 hours of health and safety regarding welding. Eight hours. HOURS. EIGHT OF THEM. I learned the following:
- Welding causes cancer
- Gases used in welding are highly flammable so don’t even THINK about kicking that canister
Anyone needing someone to help stage a large industrial “accident” may contact me via email. Not that I’m saying I would… it’s just, well, I could.
Then we had a test. I was understandably nervous. I mean, after 8 hours, my brain is normally fried. Eight hours of DANISH??? Are you kidding me??? Eight hours of listening to dead boring talk about ventilation, masks, glass, and five minutes of exciting talk about explosive gas… sure, bring it on!
It was open note, open book. I asked if I could use Google Translate, I was allowed. I Passed!
POINTS FOR MEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Friday was First Aid Day. Now, if you take a Danish drivers’ license, you have to take a first aid course. Unless you have another country's drivers’ license and you are taking the class to switch licenses. Then you can skip that day. Which I did, because it cost money to take and I was all “screw THAT!” So today, the teacher was all “do you have a license?” and I was all “Yeah, but it’s been 18 years” and she was confused (maybe she though I said I was 18?) and asked, “when did you get your Danish drivers’ license” and I said “last year” and she was all “okay then.” And I was all “Er….” but in the end it didn’t matter, I think, because we still covered everything anyway. And yes, first aid has changed in the last 18 years.
Also, I have the lungs of a horse. You need air? I’m a gonna give you air! In your lungs, bitch! I may accidently give you a pneumothorax while I’m at it. One free pneumothorax with every cardiac arrest. What can I say, I’m just a giver by nature.
I have more first aid next week. As well as my first “practical” in the cow sheds and another in the pig sty, biology, more health and safety, and something called the “month’s profile” which I’m not going to make any guesses on, because they’ll all be WRONG. I’ll let you know next week.
If I survive. I’m kinda reeling with information here.