Monday, March 19, 2012

I Hate Vacations

Actually, that's not true.  Or rather, while it is to some extent true, it is only true for a given value of true or dependent on the variable Who.  Who is vacationing?

I hate when everyone is on vacation EXCEPT me.

There.  That's a whole lotta true right there.

First it was most of Denmark that was on vacation.  Winter holiday.  Schools are out, so parents who have children and who can (in that their bosses allow them to because their bosses are not also parents with a summer home in Turkey) go away.

For reasons that mystify, we toiling away in Danish class did NOT get holiday.

But my daycare minder did.

She deserved it, really.  Five kids and just her, and since she's a private daycare minder, she normally keeps working through other people's holidays.  So I'm really not going to begrudge her a week off.  And I would happily have stayed home with the Spawn for a week.  But no, I had to juggle school and baby.  I hate that.

Then came the Danish Boy's vacation time.

Once again I set myself up for failure, because once again I envisioned one reality in which he was on holiday and he envisioned a different one.  I see holidays as relaxing times where you get to be with the people you love.  He sees it as time to finally get things done that needed to get done but haven't been getting done because there was no time to get them done.

So last week as we were going over our schedule to make sure we knew where we were going and what we were doing (okay, so *I* could figure out where we were going and what we were doing because I never remember plans that were made six months ago or plans that have changed for the umpteenth time, look, just tell me where to be and I'll bring the baby, m'kay?), I remarked "boy, I'll be glad when all this vacation time is over and I can get back to relaxing" and the DB took it amiss.  Amiss?  No, he was downright pissy about it.  I tried to explain that really, what I meant was that we've been running all over the place and I was barely getting my homework done (and on a few notable occasions, didn't get it done at all) and I hadn't actually gotten to do any of the things I had wanted to get done.  This got me a "I thought you said you were sick of living in a pig sty!"

Yes, I *am* sick of unpacked boxes, piles of unfolded laundry, dishes everywhere, and overflowing recycling bins.  But, as I tried unsuccessfully to explain, my list of things I thought we could be doing did not include "hanging drapery" in the top ten.  I didn't think "oh, joy, the DB will be home - now he'll chop LOTS of wood for me!!"  And while I admit that "finally, someone to help me wash dishes" was in the top three spots, my main project was "spending time together as a family."

Ha.

Ha ha ha.

Hahahahahahahahhhhhhhh.

We did get to go on a walk, which did end in a picnic.  There, you happy, woman?  There was quality family time.  Now get the screwdriver.

And some curtains were hung and some wood was chopped and more wood was schlepped and family was visited (or came visiting) and some dishes were washed and some laundry was folded and the recycling was recycled and I baked a ridiculous amount of chocolate cake for the Spawn's birthday (for which no party was held, but people were still miffed that they weren't invited and other people invited themselves and the Spawn slept through her own non-party, because obviously I suck as a parent [actually, I think my parenting skills are top-notch, it's my hosting skills that are lacking]) and despite repeated vacuumings, the floor is still just as filthy as ever, not that you can tell because it's strewn STREWN with baby toys.

And now, weeks later, I am finally sitting on my own in the house.  Peace and quiet.  Just myself and Alot (who has been bringing semi-live mice into the house for his own fun and amusement.  When I tried to take one away he bit it in two [I luckily caught the back half on the dustpan, so no mouse-bowels landed on the floor] and after I had caught another under a pot, I had to fight off the cat while trying to scoop up the mouse [seriously, who's idea was it to give cats so many claws and teeth?] and the latest one got clean away and we have no idea where it is currently).

But what I'm really looking forward to is Friday, when I will get the WHOLE DAY OFF!!  Finally, a vacation for ME!!!

ZOMG, I think I'm going to pick up toys!!